Confusing Thoughts and Childhood Horrors.

New developments are happening. Actually, probably not-and I don't entirely know if I want them too, but I kind of do and it's all just a big ball of confusion, to be quite honest. I don't understand myself about it at all.

When I was little, my sister used to play loads of tricks on me. She told me my mam was a troll. You know, like one of those mad ones with the standing up hair? And she told me she only came out at night, and I used to be terrified. She told me she had put spiders in my bed, and she told me when I fell asleep, she'd carry me out to the chicken house and leave me there. She told me that there was monsters under my bed; I still hate walking across the room in the dark. I've perfected this sort of ninja move, when I'm about a foot or two away from the bed, I jump and I land in the middle of my bed all crouched over. I couldn't do it if it wasn't dark. It's fear, you see. Adrenaline and all that.

I was a pretty scaredy cat child as a result, though only at night. Not during the day, heavens no. You can't be scared after yourself and your childhood friends climb into Blackberry Forest to collect blackberries (I don't even eat them) and one of the boys points out the cow staring at us in the same field (Blackberry forest was a field that consisted of about 3 trees and a blackberry bush) was actually a bull. I could also run a lot faster back in those days.

Now, I'm still a bit scared when it comes to certain things. Such as, the tap that magically turned itself on today. And the weird noises outside at night.

But, the stuff I was scared off back then is so juvenile now. I had a vast imagination back then, so I could pretty much conjure up demons from the shadows. But now I still have a vast imagination, but it's not demons I conjure up. It's reality.

Online Vs Real Life.

Today has been a bit of a waste of a day. It's largely consisted of eating, watching Merlin (Not that that is a waste!) and watching my mother act like we're all going to die slow, horrible deaths due to the Budget.

I could have spent today writing, or studying, or doing something productive that is expected of a Leaving Cert student. But no, I sat on my arse and twiddled my thumbs.

Sometimes I wonder if my persona on the Internet- being the mad Twitter addict that I am- is totally opposite to my real life persona. Like not just with the occasional mystery person I tweet (You guys make me feel popular) but with people I actually know.

Of course, being as paranoid as I am, I then start frantically wondering; what if I'm a disappointment in person? Like, I'm not very well versed in tact, and I tend to be blunt and to the point about things. I'd like to think it was a good trait to have; a bit of honesty, but obviously that wouldn't satisfy everyone.

Not to mention I love a good argument. Not real "You're tacky and I hate you" arguments, more little mess fights. Over silly things, and both parties know it's not serious. I don't think I always manage to get that across though.

I'll stop blabbering on now.

Over and out,
Ri. x

Things I'm Demanding Of You.

It's your lucky day, guys. I've decided to be bossy and DEMAND things of my readers. Oh dearie me, what a horrible blogger I must be.

First things first then. Lets get down to business and all that. This is a band I've discovered (throu

gh Rob repeatedly telling me to remember to listen to them, and making me take them down in my phone so I wouldn't forget again)... (and by forget I mean, procrastinate). They are called The Morning Benders and this is one of my favourite songs by them, "Waiting for a War." I'm in love with the intro. If it was a person, I would marry/form a civil partnership with it, and have piles of musical sprogs- hypothetically, of course, because I don't fancy pushing little gremlins out of me, thanks. So your job is very simple; Listen to them. Look, I even helpfully posted them on my blog. WOO ME!

My next very important matter of business is a tv show I'm not totally obsessed with. You'll notice that over time, dear readers, I obsess a lot with bands and tv shows. Good examples of these are Taking Back Sunday and Doctor Who.

So this tv show is called Merlin, and funnily enough... It's about Merlin. I'm working with the assumption everyone knows the jist of Merlin the Sorcerer and King Arthur, Knights of The Round Table, Lady of the Lake and so on...

It had, admittedly, taken quite a few liberations; Merlin is the same age as Arthur in it, Arthur's birth history isn't in sync with the old legends, so on... but it's still pretty awesome. It shows Merlin and Arthur forming a friendship, Morganna turning into the bitch that she is, the whole Guinevere and Arthur deal. Trust me on this one. Watch it.

Also, though Arthur is the obvious poster boy in the whole thing, I've grown to see an awfully good looking side to Merlin. He's kind of like Matt Smith (the 11th doctor) in that respect. He should not be goodlooking, he isn't in proportion with himself, his ears are too big, he has a crooked smile (Though personally, they melt my heart), you get the picture.

Or now you get the picture.

Me likey. Me likey mega much. And so it turns out, perfect is not a turn on to me, at all.

And finally, my last little demand of all my fantatic readers- note the extremes of my flattery today, this doesn't happen often- comment my blogs more! I love comments! Make me smile!

Over and out,

Ri. x

Losing You.

Two years ago, in November,

I walked through the door of my house,

I was in a cheerful mood,

I planned to see you that night.

I could feel something strange in the room,

A panicked atmosphere clinging to the air,

The hearthfire sparked and cracked

like a gunshot piercing through the world.

My mother took my arm, and sat me on the couch,

And then, she told me something so horrifying

At first, all I could do was laugh,

A highpitched, false note that seemed so distant from me.

I was refusing to believe that something

So tragic could happen to someone so dear to me,

But a tear escaped and edged down my cheek,

Like a black, winding stream tainted with mascara.

And the gates holding back the flood flew open,

And I struggled to breath between the sobs

That tore the very being from inside of me

And left it raw and red for everyone's eyes.

She told me that you had been crossing the road,

And there had been no cars in sight,

Just that your heart had stopped beating and you fell

And time had not stood still, and you did not speak.

A piece of happiness fled from me that day,

It ripped itself right from my core,

The wound never healed and now lies open,

And has since my rock crumbled away.

Sick Of The Same Old - Same Old.

I hung out with Robert today. He's probably one of my closest friends really, despite the extremity of our ups and downs with each other. I tell him most things, stuff I wouldn't say to anyone really. We've a lot of history together, four years worth now. My first ever boyfriend, haa.

We had a big talk before I left. I was concerned because I thought he was getting hurt by this girl... Who might I add, is the sweetest girl ever. So lovely. But I was worried anyway. I do that, worry too much.

And when we were talking about it, we started talking about we wanted. We want the same thing actually, but he kinda made me realise I wanted it.

I (and well, him also) want to meet someone completely new. Like a fresh slate. Someone you have no memories with, someone who doesn't know your friends, just someone new. To build memories and get to know without all the "I remember when they did such-and-such" babble, and the stories concerned friends can dig up and such. I'm sick of the whole rinse and repeat attitude in this town. The going out with the same people and kissing the same people and fancying the same people. We may as well all be going around in circles.

I don't want that. I want newness.

I'm gonna be a long time waiting.

Tell me...

Just tell me you are not doing this again.

You promised. You actually promised.

Stop acting like a cunt and start being my friend again.

Productiveness.

Studying business is mega boring. Also, I should actually be studying maths.

I'm watching The Ellen Degeneres Show which is not distracting me from said study at all. Clearly. I love Ellen. She makes me laugh far too much.

I'm getting my hair done tomorrow. Cut and highlights again, because my roots are pretty bad at the minute. I haven't had my hair done since August, which is probably awful for my hair. Going into town will actually convince me to get out of my pajamas. It's like the fourth snowday, I'm getting cabin fever. I've watched up to the current episode of Castle. As much as I love Nathan Fillion, this is bad guys. Real bad!

I've also drank like a gallon of tea in the past few days. I'm totally not meant to drink it with my stomach condition, but I just can't give it up. I know, it's the caffeine.

Right, shit blog, I'll let you get on with your lives (:

Ri. x

Pretties.

I'm Completely Abusing My Replay Button.

Zachary Levi... My favourite Nerd of all time.

Next year...

I will hopefully, cross-your-fingers-and-wish-me-luck, be in college. And I'll have moved out from here and again, hopefully, moved in somewhere in Dublin.

And I'm going to be all by myself.

I'm going to live of tea, ready break and chicken noodle soup. I'll come home because I miss my Ladypup and to convince Mammy to buy me food to restock my presses.

I can dye my hair any colour I want, though blonde is really the only one that suits it. I can be free from fighting constantly with the Mother and I'll make new friends- while keeping in contact with the current ones.

I will finally get a beautiful scaffolding piercing, and my nose- again.

I'll still covet my lovely little harddrive, which truely is like a child to me. I'll go out to the pub, and be legally able to. I'll be happy and lovely and yeah, there'll be the bad times. But who cares? That's inevitable.

And things will be brand new.

I hope, I hope, I hope.