At the best of times, I find it hard to like people. Even worse, I find it hard to really like someone. I have all these boundaries marked off, all these walls to break down, all this panic and fear that I'm going to get myself hurt again. Like hello. I just managed to put myself back together after Mr. Artsy and I broke up, I'd rather I didn't go down that road again for a while.
But when he's brought up, or I get a kick in the stomach of memories of him, or in this case, I get a horribly vivid dream about him, my "heart", so to speak, tries to protect me by showing me all the people I could be going for. Except they don't normally last too long as crushes, hence why I call them "five minute crushes". (Okay, so they may last longer then five minutes, but it sounds better then "a few days crushes" or whatever).
I'm too fickle. I can't stay on one person for a decent amount of time, unless they're really worth it- you know, if I can really talk to them, not become bored, "click" with them. I never make an effort with my "five minute crushes" because it's pointless. But I never really make an effort with my real ones either. I guess I'm just afraid of giving too much and not getting it back.
I'm sure sooner or later, I'll just lick my battle wounds and dive back in. But, not yet.
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